my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
