I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
