i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
