dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
