So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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