I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
