The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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