watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
