I got chris browned last night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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