is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize