also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
