Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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