i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
