I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
