News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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