New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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