in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
