new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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