o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
