How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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