Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
