the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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