and i looked up. we had an audience...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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