kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
