Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
