Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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