and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
