yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
