We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
