What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
