I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
