I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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