I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
