remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
