dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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