I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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