My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
