new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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