Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
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