If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
