oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
