When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
