I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
