we made out on top of his cat.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
