I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
