Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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