toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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