i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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