Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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