you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
