I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
