sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
