Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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