god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize