Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
