if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
