so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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