You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
