On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
