I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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