Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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