The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize