you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize