True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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