I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
