I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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