Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
