why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
