Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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