I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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