So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
