It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
