The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
