In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just puked most of my soul out..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
