dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
