They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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