I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
