the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
