I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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