I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
